… It’s a post on IPB Living that’s not about gardening or cooking or quilting! Good grief! And what, pray tell, is so earth-shatteringly fabulous to warrant such a ground-breaking post? Why, my new alarm clock, of course!
Meet, the American Innovative Neverlate 7-Day Alarm Clock, aka the Nevernudelatetron 3000.
Isn’t she a beaut?
Here’s the deal, Gentle Reader. In any given work week, I will work three different shifts, with three different wake-up times: 6:45, 7:15, 8:30(ish). Now, nothing’s more depressing that settling in for a night’s sleep only to realize you need to roll your alarm back from 8:30 to 6:45. So I got an alarm clock with two alarms, one which was permanently set to 6:45 and the other which was only mildly depressing most of the time (but man, switching from weekends with a 10:45 alarm back to 7:15? Killer!). It seemed like a perfectly cromulent alarm clock when I purchased it. Until it got dark, that is. Then I realized my alarm clock could double as a Coast Guard search light. And the radio was like a tell-tale heart. There was no switch to turn it off, all I could do was turn the volume as low as it could go. So there was a constant — and I mean constant — static buzz emitting from the thing. Some nights it would seem to me to be as loud as a roiling sea or a construction zone or the Jumbotron during the playoffs in Carolina. For some reason I decided it was my lot in life to have an obnoxiously bright, obnoxiously loud alarm clock.
Finally, one fateful night I decided I just could not take it one more second! Last time around I did research on which alarm clocks were preferred. Fat lot of good that did me. So this time I went to Amazon and plugged in “alarm clock”. It must have been fate that made me see the words “7-day alarm clock” buried in the customer review of some other, lesser offering.
Me: “7-day alarm clock? 7-day alarm clock?!”
The Universe: “Yes, Pookie. One alarm for each day. One for each crazy shift you work!”
Me: “Get outta town on a bus!”
The Universe: “Negatory! Just buy the alarm clock.”
Me: “You got it!”
Shazam! 7 alarms!
This treasure arrived in the mail on Wednesday, so perhaps I should wait until I’ve seen all seven days of alarms in action before proclaiming from upon high that this is the greatest alarm clock EVAH but whatevs. It’s true. This is the greatest alarm clock EVAH. The display is soft and gentle. I couldn’t find a single lost ship at sea using only it as illumination! And the radio? Perfectly silent. I may completely forget it even has a radio option! The alarm buzzer itself is pleasant but insistent. The cube-like shape is spunky and cute!
And best of all, I will never again have the depressing feeling of turning back an alarm to 6:45 or 7:15. I will simply set Wednesdays and Thursdays to 6:45, Tuesdays and Fridays to 7:15, and Monday to 8:30ish. And I’ll never look back. Thank you, Nevernudelate. Thank you for making my life a better place to wake up in.